My "Furr" Listening Instructions

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Hello Trappers! At the risk of posting inappropriate comments on my first post ( or worst case getting flamed).....I thought I would share these listening instructions I wrote for a stoner buddy of mine. Furr is the sort of album I yearn for, always at my local record shop at the listening station.... buying countless new releases in the hope that I can attain those blissful "chills" that creep up my spine after listening to truly great music. This album is full of those moments....Eagerly looking forward to BT coming back to Denver for a full set!

Blitzen Trapper - Furr
Complete Listening Instructions

Men profess to be lovers of music, but for the most part they give no evidence in their opinions and lives that they have heard it. ~Henry David Thoreau

1) How much time do you have to dedicate to this endeavor?
a) Just a few minutes. Go to Question 9b or wait till you have more time.
b) Just give me the highlights for now. You sure? Try and keep going.If you really can't do this right then go to Question 9b and pretend all scenarios apply to you.
c) I'm ready to rock this all night long. You, my friend, rule. Keep movin'.
d) It depends (I lack the enthusiastic qualities that others have). Stop now and stick your hand really far down the garbage disposal. Flip the switch to the upward position.

2) Do you drink?
a) Yes I do. A lot. My SO (significant other) gets mad at me sometimes. Too much info... pour yourself a large glass of bourbon. Ice or neat, preferably neat. Drink it.
b) Yes, but I don't have bourbon. (I'm a pussy) GO GET SOME! Any kind over $20 a bottle will do for now. Bring it home, pour a glass and enjoy.
c) Yes but Jesus Christ this is too much work. Alright, alright. Get your favorite drink ready, and REALLY enjoy it for once.
d) No. I respect that. Keep moving! (wanker)

3) Do you smoke?
a) Used to, gave it up though. Come on, man, who are you kidding? You never really give it up. Find a friend or break into emergency stash. Now. Smoke.
b) I'm high now. Goddammit you are one cool ass motherfucker. Bask in your coolness for 60 full seconds while you sip your tasty bourbon.
c) No. I respect that. Keep moving!(live a little for fucksake!)
d) Yes. Smoke then. Just when you think you've had enough, take one more hit. P-Push it.

4) Do you feel good?
a) YES!!!!! DAMN GOOD!! Keep movin'.(remember to soak in your coolness)
b) Sort of. You didn't listen to me in 4d. Repeat 2 and 3 and stop wasting my time.
c) Not really, had a bad day. Repeat 2 and 3 with vigor, I promise your day is about to improve. Tell your "bad day" to go fuck itself. Really, try it.
d) Not at all, but I'm kinda fired up. You realize I'm just dealing with you right now and there is a right and wrong way to do this. If that wasn't clear. Jump on the cool path or just keep moving I suppose. You are boring though.

5) Thinking back this should have been brought up earlier... What time of day is it?
a) Morning. Wow, shake your own hand proudly for playing this game while others are enjoying their Cream of Wheat. Have it off with yourself if you want to.
b) Afternoon. You might want to wait till Night so you can chillax properly.
c) Night. Good.
d) Late Night. Awesome.

6) Are you comfortable?
a) Now that you mention it, I'm not really. I'm feeling a little freaky or maybe I'm having doubts whether I'm wasting my time doing this or not. Dude. Play it cool - and definitely don't speak any of your crazy ideas out loud.
b) I'm fine, let's get to it. Attitude is 110% of life, you know.
c) Sort of but I'm hungry, I think. You are NOT hungry yet. You have bourbon which is more than most people have in this world. Be thankful.
d) I already told you I feel damn good, doesn't that imply comfortable? Ok you got me on that one.

7) What is your stereo situation?
a) My computer's speakers are ready to go. Eat shit and die.. Put it in the your best stereo in the house and turn it up. Sorry that was harsh.
b) I'm exactly where my stereo user manual's suggested listening location is with proper volume settings. Good, you've got some issues though.
c) I know what I'm doing and I know for a FACT I'm more of an audiophile than you. You get mouthy when you drink corn alcohol distilled in Kentucky, eh?
d) Yes I'm all set up. You should call this "Blitzen Trapper Listening Instructions For Complete Fucking Morons." I know how to rock, thank you. Turn it up man, we are all in this adventure together. Take a deep belly breath, your bad day is over now. Time to play.

8) It is Saturday night.
a) True. Play Track 6 - Saturday Nite. Then stop. Fire up.
b) False. Keep moving!

9) Which statement applies to your situation?
a) I'm in the mood to soak in a full album, the way it should be done. Fresh cocktail in hand. Hit Play. Congratulations you are going with Blitzen Trapper on a fantastical journey.
b) I mentioned I'm short on time but I want to see what this is all about.
i) I'm on the run right now so I need something upbeat. Play Track 6 - Saturday Nite or Track 12 - Echo/Always On/EZ Con (2nd half)
ii) Actually, I'm in the mood for something low key. Play Track 3- Furr or Track 8 - Not Your Lover.
iii) Now that you mention it, I want a story, a good one. Play Track 7 - Black River Killer or Track 11- Stolen Shoes & a Rifle.
c) I'm coming off that bad day but feeling better, there is a lot of cool shit in this world and my heart is open. I want the feeling I get when I'm like this and listen to my favorite Dylan albums. You are in the right place. Start with Track 3 - Furr for instant gratification or just play it through. Play your favorites over and over again. No one is watching or judging.
d) We're playing this game with a bunch of people and we are enjoying this game but can we just play the album now? We've heard it is good from other people so stop with the hard sell. Rock on. If you feel the need, yell and scream for people to shutthefuckup and LISTEN!

10) Did you finish the album in its entirety?
a) Yes. Feel like another listen? Put in Black River Killer one more time atleast.
b) No. It's obvious you should go back to 9.

11) Thoughts?
a) I can see the appeal, hasn't grabbed me yet. Listen again, this album definitely rewards multiple listens. Especially Track 7 - Black River Killer at top volume.
b) And you called me "boring"? This goes in my same pile of dung with Fleet Foxes, Bon Iver, Band of Horses, Wilco, Deerhunter, maybe Pavement... You have a pile of dung in your house? Now it's my turn to be smug. I love Mars Volta as much as the next guy, but give it another run for the heck of it.
c) Cool but I was looking for more details and insight into the album. I think you should experience this album "fresh".
d) Dude, this was great, I'm feelin' it and want more. Email davidandrewwelchATgmail.com with further descriptive interpretations of your experience. I'll even send you copies of their other albums, or any other music that you are willing to follow instructions with.

*This user manual has no affiliation with Blitzen Trapper nor does the author have any stake in Blitzen Trapper's success, financial or otherwise, as of this day 14 of November, 2008. It would be nice if they had t-shirts for sale on their website though.
*Any words in italics can be defined as your own inner dialogue. Read it again if you don't believe me.
*If you don't have italics, the second part of each question is supposed to be an answer to your dialogue

Btdefault

I hear, literally, a thousand influences in this album. Yet no matter how familiar it can often sound, it's never anything less than a wholly original piece of work. Nary a duff moment anywhere. Black River Killer sounds like the soundtrack to a great lost Peckinpah film, occupying much the same emotional place in it that Knockin' On Heaven's Door did to Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid.

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Trapper Team

Can I just say this post is awesome? Thank you, rowdyroddy!

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Thanks Matt! I was inspired one night after the album "grabbed" me. Just a matter of getting into the right mood....I sent it to several friends and about 1 in 10 actually follow through with it. I've decided I just need cooler friends.

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Rowdy, perhaps the coolest damn post on this forum. And, i might add, a lol gag fest! I am impressed. Second reading, still funny, go to step 1a, bask in your coolness.